Why are we so afraid?
This newsletter has a clear purpose – to reflect on and uplift the patterns of behavior of eldest daughters and to offer ways to heal the more damaging patterns. Although my voice as a civically engaged, morally conscious human being affects the tone and tenor of what I share, I mostly stick to No. 1 Immigrant Daughter’s core objectives.
So I was grateful to read this essay titled I don’t have to post about my outrage. And neither do you. The author talks about the expectation that everyone should post and the judgment against those who don’t. The pressure for all of us – and especially organization leaders – to say something, “discourages shutting up and listening and letting the voices that matter the most be heard over the din.”
I am grateful for her reflections, but in recent days, I have been particularly struck by many people’s fear of saying anything at all, even in interpersonal conversations. We seem nervous to express our horror, share our anger, process our grief, challenge what is being said. Fear is holding us back from bearing witness, showing compassion, or engaging in discussion.
What does this say about our lack of trust in one another, including people who are our friends, neighbors and colleagues? Statements and posts can be empty and performative, but honest conversation in-person feels essential to me.
So, I’m offering these four principles of courageous conversation, adapted from Glenn Singleton and Curtis Linton’s 2006 book designed for educators to talk more openly about race.
Stay engaged
Speak your truth
Experience discomfort
Expect and accept non-closure
These principles feel like a place to start. Each is described briefly in this one-pager.
Silencing ourselves out of fear is not going to save lives, change minds, or touch hearts.
Sayu