When Leaders Follow

At a recent convening on democracy organized by TED, I ran into old friends, met new people and did a lot of listening. I didn’t have a speaking role, and I wasn’t trying to raise money. But to be honest, I felt awkward when I first walked into the room. What would my role be? What was I even doing at an event “just as an attendee”? 

For much of my work life, I’ve been in a leadership role. Most of my adult life, I’ve been hustling, working, studying, often both. Admittedly from the privileged position of white collar jobs, stable immigration status (mostly!), and free of student loans. Still, I’m used to being “on”, selling my organization, seeking out partnerships, working the room. 

As an attendee, I had to adjust to a new way of being in these rooms. I absorbed ideas and made meaningful connections. I didn’t ask questions or make a point just so I could introduce myself or an organization. I left when the room felt overstimulating. What a relief that was, to retreat when I was ready, rather than stay because I felt I should. 

Being in a leadership role all the time is exhausting, and as no. 1s, we know that’s not just relegated to work. When we say, “I’m going to take this time to be in a different mode – learning, listening, supporting, or resting” – others around us can and will step into the vacuum. I know this is true because I have practiced what I am preaching. At work and at home.  

This Fall, I exited the leadership role at Women’s Democracy Lab, an organization I founded in 2020. Its two co-founders, Anathea Chino and Muthoni Wambu Kraal, are spearheading the next phase of work. As part of my exit, I attended a meeting of one of our fellowship programs in San Juan and felt such deep joy to experience the program as an attendee rather than in a decision-making role. 

What would it look like if you stepped back and let others lead now and then? What could you gain from being a listener rather than a speaker? An observer rather than a doer?

With love,

Sayu