What is Truth, Anyway?

Over Memorial Day weekend, we attended a family wedding—a beautiful celebration of young love, a reminder that personal milestones are powerful markers of the passage of time. As can happen when so many family members come together–from around the world and the country–memories and stories abound. Listening to us reminded me that our narratives include what we have heard from others, what we ourselves experienced, and what the 'truth' is.

We often say there is no one truth, but is that really the case?

Our belief about the truth, how we experience the truth, those might be different. But both the truth and our perception of that truth can cause pain and trauma. Too often, we want to correct, insert our version of what happened. I am guilty of trying to clarify, explain, dispute—the exact opposite of what people want. It's not the truth that we're looking for; it's the validation of our feelings, our experiences. The idea of "your truth" is so powerful for that reason – we want to be held with tenderness about the truth as we experience it.

As I grow older, I'm trying to remember this, not just with family but with everyone. Meeting people where they're at is sometimes the hardest thing to do. For us as No. 1s, it's especially difficult to be with family and not revert to familiar or familial roles, such as a responsible eldest daughter who needs to fix/solve/repair.

Here's what I'm working on instead:

1. Listening without defending myself or our elders

2. Asking questions to understand how people's "truths" have been formed

3. Being a participant rather than an observer, which means sharing my own experiences and vulnerabilities

4. Remembering that breaking the cycle of any family trauma happens at the pace of the individual.

5. Limiting advice to those times when I'm asked (P.S. Mostly kinda suck at this.)

What can I say? We're all works in progress.

Love,

Sayu