Stay or Go: Do you do famcations?
You’ve heard of the staycation, but have you heard of a famcation? I thought I had come up with the word, but urban dictionary proved otherwise.
While on vacation from work, one goes to spend time with extended family(parents, siblings, in-laws, etc.) Usually for at least two or more overnights and staying in the same living quarters.
The concept was on my mind last week as I got ready to spend time with my mom and siblings in Miami. My feelings around these trips are, let’s say, complicated. On the one hand, seeing my loved ones can be filled with joy and laughter, and on the other, well, the chances are high that everyone regresses to their childhood selves and that can be messy.
Here at No.1, we talked about how famcations make us feel both nurtured and neglected. And we’re sharing them with you as an invitation to share your own, or just feel affirmed.
We feel nurtured through shared meals, cut fruit, (repeated!) invitations to eat, being called childhood nicknames that no one outside our family calls us, and shortcuts talking about shared memories.
We can also feel neglected, when family members don’t appreciate how we have evolved or grown in the years since we left “home” or when we feel we can only show one aspect of our life and hide others (our social justice work, our gender identity or sexual orientation, our financial success or struggle).
Here are three ways I have changed my relationship to the #famcation over the years…
Showing up as my whole self, even if there may be consequences ranging from confusion to pushback.
Staying committed to my grounding/morning practices, regardless of what else is happening (exercise, journaling, meditation, choose your own adventure)
Sharing my fears and expectations with my parents or siblings, instead of silently harboring them.
What about you? How do you approach #famcations? I hope you’ll share with us so we can normalize that there’s no such thing as a perfect family.
With all my love,
Sayu
Here are ways that our the No.1 team members (myself, Nina and Leslie) feel neglected and nurtured:
Nurtured with food, food, food and more food…
In Chinese culture, it’s common to finish meals with a warm bowl of light soup. Drinking my parents' homemade broths is comforting and nourishing.
Being in my childhood home, with my parents making sure I’m very well-fed, always wraps me in a blanket of safety and nostalgia.
If we’re eating Lambi, fresh beaten conch in a sweet tomato sauce, with mushroom stained rice — it’s because someone earned a degree or flew a long way. If a large bowl of bouillon is served on a Sunday, it’s to fortify you for the week ahead.
And more…
A rare occurrence to be certain, but there is nothing more comforting than my mum ironing the finishing touches on a crisp clean white shirt.
Speaking in Cantonese and hearing “Kiki.” No one other than my family calls me that.
Neglected when our family members don’t gift or receive gracefully, especially when the item doesn’t serve a purpose beyond beautification or adornment.
Projecting the ‘everyone is out to get us’ mentality, even when there is a real basis for “the why” of this behavior (post-migration trauma, post-colonial loss etc etc). It doesn’t always serve us.
Ever feel like you could have sworn that you’ve made the point before? It’s not that no one is listening, it’s that they (our beautiful mothers) have made very deliberate choices about what they gleaned.
We’re two generations born in different countries with some degree of a language barrier. It can feel difficult to express my views on the world and have a common ground with them at times.
We’re always taught to keep our head down and not engage in anything that could lead to conflict. This required some unlearning for better communication!