Reflections on a Sabbatical

I’m just coming back from my writing sabbatical, which was both too short and very sweet. A lot of naps, a decent amount of writing, plenty of solo time, tons of reading, and delicious experiences with friends.  This month also coincides with the time three years ago when I made the decision to leave my full time job as an executive director of a nonprofit I founded. I’ve had plenty of time to reflect and evaluate, and I wanted to share a few observations.

1. There is no such thing as “enough” rest. I’ve been taking things slowly for three years, and even after the time off this summer, I’m still tired and could take more time to “just be.” I chalk it up to severe burnout AND the idea that an object at rest stays at rest. The more I slow down, the more I want to slow down. Most of us never discover this because we don’t slow down long enough to feel rested, to know just how good a full night of restful sleep is, how satisfying “boredom” can be.

2. Trust and control issues lie at the heart of so much of our stress. I spend a lot of time waiting, for decisions about my writing submissions, for grant or fellowship decisions, for others to confirm availability. And I lose sleep over all of these. (We don’t have enough space in this post for all the personal issues that are affected by trust and control ;-)). And guess what? I’m realizing that by trying to manage something I have limited control over, I relinquish my power to be joyous. By trusting the process (admittedly sooo hard), or what is often described as “letting go of the outcome”, I own my ability to focus on my own happiness. 

3. A reminder that I, you, we deserve to be happy. Genuinely, deeply happy. Moving in obligation and resentment serves no one, least of all you. We hear so much about boundaries these days that it’s easy to roll our eyes, but truly, saying no to things you don’t want to do is going to create space for the things you want to do. I am grateful for the purpose-filled life I have, and within it, there are many things that are not fulfilling. I’m getting better at choosing what matters to me over what feels obligatory.  

In next week’s post, I’ll share a matrix and some tips I’m using to organize my fall (and future) around these principles.  Until then, I hope this is good food for thought. 

In love and struggle,

Sayu