Bursting and Breaking

That is the condition of my heart right now. It bursts at the beauty of little Renad from Gaza and breaks at the life she is being forced to live by an ongoing genocide; it bursts at the ability of the Harris-Walz campaign to ignite joy and breaks at the United States’ ongoing complicity in the genocide in Gaza; it bursts at stories of immigrant athletes in the Olympics and breaks every time I see a mother and child selling candy on the New York City subway. 

We live in an unjust world that doesn’t have to be so. I am grateful that my heart works the way it does, to bear witness, to fight and to love. 

Renad, 10 years old from Gaza

This month, it’s doing extra work – as we send our only child off to college. One day, my heart is bursting at their wisdom, self-confidence, and thoughtfulness; other times it’s breaking at the thought that I won’t be able to hug and hold them or do an impromptu dance around the living room. I know many of you have been here, are here now, or experience this every year as your babies come home for holidays and then leave again and again. 

Here’s some wisdom I have found around this transition:

It is the fundamental unfairness of parenthood that if we do our jobs well, the deepest bond we are given will walk out the door with a wave over the shoulder. – Robin Wall Kimmerer, Braiding Sweetgrass

Keep them near enough that we will always hear them when they need us, but never so close that we smother or suffocate. Show us the mutuality available to us across age. That as we raise and teach them, we would learn and grow from them as well, as we bear witness to their wonder, curiosity and wisdom. – Cole Arthur Riley, Black Liturgies

May you find joy in a heart that bursts and breaks regularly. That work our hearts do keeps us alive, makes us complete. We would have it no other way. 

In love and solidarity,

Sayu