Hard to believe it’s been two years of No.1 Immigrant Daughter!
Thanks to all of you who subscribe, especially my day ones!
And welcome to our newest subscribers!
I’m grateful that you let me into your inbox every now and then.
To show my appreciation, and to see how far some of us have come and how far we have to go, here’s a fun activity. Inspired by Mathangi Subramaniam’s substack post, a little quiz that’s not professionally reviewed or sanctioned. Don’t sue me!
Where are you on your No. 1 Immigrant Daughter journey?
Your mom texts you about a small family event over a month away. “Have you confirmed the caterer?” Five minutes later, she’s calling you. You:
a) Let the call go to voicemail because you’re on a deadline and know this is not urgent
b) Text to say you’ll call her later to discuss
c) Pick up and agree to call the caterer as soon as you’re off the phone
2) You are going on a vacation with your partner, the dates are inching closer, and no one has made any arrangements yet. You:
a) Ask your partner to research hotel options and contribute to planning the vacation
b) Suggest places to go and things to do, in hopes that they take the hint and start planning themselves
c) Plan the entire vacation with little input from them, extensively researching their favorite activities
3) Your parents want to buy more food, though the fridge is overflowing and cannot fit anything else. You:
a) Gently remind your parents that we have plenty of food options at home and there is no need to stock up for WW3
b) Don’t say anything and just let your parents be
c) Go home and clean out the fridge for anything expired so they can fit more food in
4) You read on Facebook that a former colleague has just lost their job. You:
a) Make a note to reach out soon to check in
b) Reach out right away to check in
c) Send an email to your boss to see if she would like to meet with them
5) You arrive at a family vacation and your mom immediately says you’ve gained weight since the last time she saw you. Not even a hello first. You:
a) Take a deep breath and say, “Hi mom, let’s try to enjoy this trip without you commenting on my appearance.”
b) Take a deep breath and ignore the comment
c) Smile sheepishly and say that you’ve been trying to go the gym more often
1) If you got mostly As, congratulations! You’ve made your family proud with that top grade, even if they’re still adjusting to your new integrated self, where you know how to care for yourself while loving them, sometimes at a distance!
2) If you got mostly Bs, not bad! You’re a recovering No. 1, still helpful and responsible but maybe a little passive aggressive. A work in progress, but aren’t we all?
3) If you got mostly Cs, you’re a novice No. 1 (or an expert, depending on how you look at it). Perhaps check this out: Set Boundaries, Find Peace.
See you again soon!
Sayu
P.S. Thanks to Nina and Leslie for contributing to this!
It has already been 2 years of enjoying your enlightening jovial articles! (No.1 immigrant daughters and sons are not alone). keep it up at your pace to stay candid.
I got mostly A’s with my parents and B with my partner on your Quiz. So my partner will see improvement eventually!